they'd teach you to doubt first

great lord, i shall do some little update to this quickly turning miserable blog.

so yes, im finally in church again after a very long while that's cos crystal's back. service without her is quite a torture i must admit, and i wonder how i really did survive those times in church and cg when she hadn't joined us yet. oh yes, i guess its a change of heart i've had towards church and godly issues and alot more of wordly perpsectives. still, i'm pretty comforted that during those few years when i was more committed i did learn alot more about the word and about HIM and a little about the end times period if i didn't remember them wrongly of course.

right today's altar call, was pretty much about the shift of focus in our relationship with God and how we've been treating it like a 'side dish' more than allowing God to be the centre of our everything. that is exactly what i think i really am struggling with quite abit, since i seem to really have fallen away from that definition of 'holiness' which involves not reading the bible, not praying but only in church, and not even attending services regularly (needless to say caregroups), and i don't even remember the last time i did tithe. everyone all over the world, please do stone me, for being such a big fat sinner. now to really evaluate what i've been doing by not going to church and reading the bible and praying, it just shows how i've grown more prideful for not acknowledging God as the centre of my life, and how i've found a new master to the throne of my heart - money (which is what i've been busy making on those saturday's when i missed service while crystal was away in hk). and yes money, did take the throne of my heart, cos i chose to spend those 8-9 hours working doing my sales, instead of just 2hours in church.

its all in the past now, and i think im getting quite bored of making money already. not that i don't welcome extra cash flow into my bank account or what, but it slowly turns someone into a "wage slave" quoting terkey on this. its just very true somehow, and what im pretty ashamed to admit. for now, i guess after my assignment at the comex show, maybe i'll take a long long break.

IN THE MEANTIME, yes back to today's church service, it has convicted more about something - being a musician for God. how cliche it sounds, but yes that's what i really want to do and be. here let me weigh the difference of a common musician with God's musician...

1. God's musician knows who they're playing for and to. audience: people waiting to be ministered by God, and worship is one of the tools that would be used to do so. result acheived: change of hearts, life transforms.

2. Common musician plays for a common audience who are plainly mesmerised by the musician's charima, as he plays. plays solely for music, which makes music the idol of his life. result acheived: audience leave the show feeling satisfied with what they watched, but never life transforming.

so then after service, i sent a msg to a leader telling her that i'd wish to join the musician's team in church cos i can't think of any other way how i can really contribute to the kingdom of God, and no that's not an excuse just to play the guitar on stage in church. however, ridiculous and bogus this may get to you, but that's really what i think i can best do. and i really do wanna be part of a massive worship band that travels the world to minister to the hearts of all people. and a part of the ticket sales would go to the building of schools in third world countries, and another part to MAKING POVERTY HISTORY, and then who knows what else is to be done with that profit. -rubs hands in glee- instrument upgrade!

there you have, a long entry of all my big dreams.

some world news

Cash and a Car

Mohammed Yousaf Qureshi, prayer leader at the historic Mohabat Khan mosque in the conservative northwestern city of Peshawar, announced the mosque and the Jamia Ashrafia religious school he leads would give a $25,000 reward and a car for killing the cartoonist who drew the prophet caricatures — considered blasphemous by Muslims.

He also said a local jeweler's association would give $1 million, but no representative of the association was available to confirm the offer.

"Whoever has done this despicable and shameful act, he has challenged the honour of Muslims. Whoever will kill this cursed man, he will get $1 million from the association of the jewlers bazaar, 1 million rupees (US $16,7000) from Masjid Mohabat Khan and 500,000 rupees (US$8,350) and a car from Jamia Ashrafia as a reward, " Qureshi told about 1,000 people outside the mosque after Friday prayers.

"This is a unanimous decision by all imams (prayer leaders) of Islam that whoever insults the prophet deserves to be killed and whoever will take this insulting man to his end, will get the prize."

Cartoonists go Underground

The cartoonists have gone underground and lived under police protection since the conflict started escalating last year.

European Justice Commissioner Franco Frattini said the European Union could not apologize for the offence caused.

"No, it's not Europe's duty, not I think it is the duty of Danish Priminister Rasmussen. We don't have the power to apologize in the name of the press. That would be violating the basis of the freedom of the press. If they feel is right, it is up to the editors and authors of the cartoons to apologize to those who feel offended, " Frattini said.

Sources ramdomly taken from: MSBC world news

now its my turn to give my 2 cents worth upon the matter.

initially i thought the muslims were merely just over reacting to a simple cartoon itself. and what's more quoting The Abrams Report, cartoons are 'ludicrous' and 'unrealistic'. in my point of view even, cartoons are way of communication to man's creativity. but then again, that overwhelming response from the muslims made me come to 2 big conclusions: that is they're firm believers of their faith in a extreme manner (extremists), or they're just joining in the protest to create a certain uproar because they have nothing better to do.

now that they are being rewarded for killing the cartoonists with that huge sum of money, probably enough to lift their entire generation out of poverty and into the lives of high fat, high carbo diets for next few years. so tell me who wouldn't resist that? i really think something is going damn wrong inside their heads. every religion preaches that to sin is evil. i'd be laughing my ass of if that Youreshi guy suddenly says that somewhere in the koran, in the eleventh commandment, its states clearly that to murder someone who insults your God is honourable in the eyes God, and its gives you eternal life. esp when those words were coming out of a PRAYER LEADER. i see it more as a satanic act, than something that's honourable and praise-worth.

please, your religion teaches you to love your neighbour as your brother, and to love your enemy, for loving your enemy is greater than loving your neighbour. so why can't they just be a little more loving and practise what it is within the 10 commandments. isnt that what is expected of a prayer leader as well? he's supposed to be their leader - a figure of authority and maturity (spiritually speaking).

to err is human, to love divine?

cold and frosty mornings there's not alot to say

CONGRATULATIONS to everyone who survived the ardous (or arduos) days of the pre-o's days. we're about 7/8 done, and that close to completion. GREAT JOB EVERYONE!

wave those pistols in the air

the insults of insults.

IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.
IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. IGNORANCE IS BLISS.

IGNORANCE IS FUCKING BLISS, HELL YES!!!

a passerby VS. man's carnal nature. who's at greater fault?

ps. when you lie that much, so much to the extent of always removing yourself away from the whole mess and putting events so coincidentally together, you're fucked.