you've seen too much of
YOURSELF/MYSELF/I-SELF

now's no time
to create a fantasy for ourselves
to the old whom we've lost
and to the new we've created
a constant search
for the perfect picture of our lives
to the world and its many people

how deep is deep?
that one's wounds would never heal
you might be the collapsed tower
but we're the little people around
who's injured frm the fallen debris
we are hurting the same way
the only difference is that you fell
but we're crushed.

lies have all grown secret
and truths grown false
a different story to a different stranger
contrasting to the insider

torn apart
truth between reality
who's to mend the hurt again?

today's the release of our long awaited chinese o level results. almost everyone did well, faired above the expected. the only ones who i see crying are those frm devotion/endurance. with the exception of a certain someone else who cried her whole ass face red and her BIG HANDS were gripping onto a small lil scunched up tissue paper, SOAKED with buckets of tears. but well, WELL DONE, friend!

im relieved.

this were all i remembered after jumping up frm my seat when lee lao shi read my name...

audrey and i jumped and ^5-ed to each other and jumped and screamed some more.
chionged to check that i've gotten b3 correctly and to check for my oral grades as well.
continued screaming and jumping somemore.

went to endurance class to watch them get their results with sihong and audrey and cherlyn's gang.
cheered for faith people in endurance who got at least an A.
went to their class and we all screamed and jumped arnd even more. cindy cried cos she was too __________.
we all (faith people) cuddled/hugged each other.
went to an empty toilet to rejoice cos the nearest toilet had become a mourning room.
saw lee lao shi in the corridor and shouted out to her, "LEE LAO SHI WO BU YONG CONG KAO LE!!!"
and lee lao shi replied, "IM HAPPY FOR YOU TOO!"

and that's all to the short little encounter with 1/7 of o levels completed.

you heard me pray that short rushed prayer

common tests and exams teach me to work hard for a better grade, to a better future maybe.
collection of results taught me to trust.

an overwhelming gush of thoughts
no words can express
only the heart understands
that's its language

gonna let it show
let the whole world know
what you've done in me
cos' i am not ashamed.

i love that song. planet shakers - not ashamed. really cute song, and the lyrics really hit me. ouch. its a cool song, ask me for it if you're begging for it. but i doubt anyone's into them unless you're christian and you take delight in a little contemporary christian music. planet shakers sounds almost all the same. sounds those anyhow whack kind of songs, where there isn't exactly any prominent sounds or instruments. they sound a little too electronic as well. and a little techno sounding sometimes. but Not Ashamed is nice.

well as much as i hope i will never deny christ...

gonna let it show
let the whole world know
what you've done in me
cos' i am not ashamed
i will be a light
in the darkest night
and everyone will see
cos' i am not ashamed
planet shakers - not ashamed

had our very first cg after the restructuring today. new people, fresh new faces. it feels different to have more people in a cg. feels like the family's bigger instead of just jiayi, crystal michelle and i. brand new start to a new cg. they're definitely not going to be as comfortable, but im definitely looking forward to the many cg's to come. and i guess learning to adapt to NEW PEOPLE. for the time being, its still something fresh and interesting. and i guess we'll be working closely, perhaps even closer than our friends in school, cos we'll be studying and helping each other out as well.

however this new restructure, means also the last few months in the high school service? which means moving on to either the poly group after that or the jc group (which is rather impossible cos i prefer poly to jc more now). but i'll just take it when that time comes.

for now
i pray you keep our minds sane

cult of personality
mao's got it, stal's got it, hitl's got it.
have you?

(the belows are not any stupid dumb lame test or anything with resemblance to a test)

songs to learn:
1. Guns N Roses - Welcome to the Jungle
2. Kittie - Into The Darkness

things to do:
1. replace broken D string on guitar
2. edit intothedarkness tabs to standard tuning (about 3/4 done ONLY)
3. amaths cedars prelims paper
4. lit "fire fire" essay
5. lit unseen poem notes
6. re-learn RELATIVE VELOCITY
7. re-do tuition r.v wksht (basic-est)
8. do chem tuition hmwk(Section C)

things to buy:
1. science physics longman effective guide
2. guitar tuner* (saving up)
3. chem S.A.P tys
5. reader's digest
6. boss distortion pedal* (saving up)

things to look forward to:
1. jamming with atee and her band
2. guitar lessons (but it'll only start after the o's and my mom would be totally broke if she had to pay for my guitar lessons NOW)
all i can say is the lessons are CHEAP!

psychic spies from china
try to steal your mind's elation

quick blog before i try to study later on.

new song learnt:
The Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Californication

woke up, and the first thing i thgt was, "cool. i shall learn broken wings today." but settled on the easier one instead, californication. its a cool song. okay, biggest realisations of all, red hot chilli peppers actually has cool lyrics. but yah, i managed to learn the song til the solo only, cos my electric is down and its troublesome to switch here and there. and all this while, i've been learning it on my 2 holed classical (there's a hole at the bottom of the body, and its not the jack). its a hole, literally. and its covered up with a "I'M LOVIN' IT" macdonalds sticker. how cute.

my classical's going to be my training ground. funny how my fingers actually hurt more, frm playing the classical. but its good traning. huge frets, small hands. good combination. i feel like trading my guitar in for an accoustic. but my guitar's worth only $20 or less i suppose. maybe i should ask my uncle to sell his accoustic to me. since he owns a couple of those stuff, but they're his priced possessions. his beloved. those stuff he used to woo my aunty i suppose? and he used to always play that "in the jungle, the mighty jungle.... blah blah blah" song for me when i was a dumb kid, though i didn't know that song. it was entertaining. since he has kid now (a cute lil one), he might as well sell/give them to me. and i'll be really grateful to him. -wishful thinking-

i shouldn't be restringing my electric anytime soon, since prelims are 5 weeks away only. that means i have to chuck CHUCK aside. but i shall continue wiping him with my grey cloth, when im free. why CHUCK is not a girl? cos i don't want a pms-ing guitar. so he's a boy. what the hell. so much trash talking in this whole entry. im just a little nutty, cos i haven't been studying for the whole day today, cos its my off day after PIA-ing so hard for those crap ass common tests. man, i feel guilty for not studying a single shit at home. well, i shall re-do my amaths paper later.

and i think im going to hit 40 again for my L1R5 this term, cos i failed my english already. and i failed LIT as well (which was rather expected). im so afraid of failing over and over again. yes, its my greatest insecurity, when it comes to my acadamics. not like i've been doing well at all.

plans to try to hit 20 for prelims L1R5:
1. amaths tuition twice a week (monday and thurs/fri)
2. chem tuition twice a week (tuesday and saturday)
3. approach anne kang to help me with my english(grammar, summary skills). i can speak, but i can't write. so in all, im an empty vessel.
4. read newspapers everyday (just like the bible). buy READER'S DIGEST. read reader's digest. read bbc/cnn/cna when im online.
5. buy chem and history tys (our textbook sucks!)
*reason why im leaving lit out, cos i don't see myself scoring or even passing it at all, so i might as well focus on my amaths. -sorry ms tan-

anyone who needs help with english as well: we'll approach anne kang together, and get her to teach us our primary school stuff. something is very wrong with singapore's education. they seem to focus more on comprehension skills than anything now, neglecting GRAMMAR. which is so so important. like all your whatever past participle crap. basically, primary school english. they are fucking important man. *sorry for the language, but it serves to emphasize the importance of it* our compo is now marked based on LANGUAGE, and no longer CONTENT anymore. so what's the use if you've got a fabulous storyline, but hell ass, your grammar still suck as ever. -get the point?-

im ambitious. im determined to get AT LEAST an A2 for english. areas i can score in, compo and ORAL. so i just have to work on my compre skills, and my vocab. its limited. very limited. and its withholding me, frm where i should be. so yea, im very ambitious. and a very phlegmatic fool as well. so we'll see...