im menstruating...
random-ness.

oh well, don't you think my blog title is sick. yea, alittle.

im glad i made it to the hall today to watch the grammy's. and i really wonder whether im that dumb or is it really that easy to score cos everyone seem to be getting under 20. and that's for the most improved cases. and i really pray my name appears there next time on the most improved list. at least you don't have to suffer in the agonizing pains of waiting til your turn, to get that bloody script.

and i think it'd be really sweet if i could score a under 20. a 13 would be terrific. but it just seems a little too far-fetched and irrealistic. so i guess... i'll just put in all my effort before all else, not aiming for any sepcific no.

perhaps it during the times when we really are helpless, we lean on HIS ways and goodness.

"letting go of me, holding onto You?"

rush of blood to the head

my neck feels heavy, and it means my body is tired and i need to rest soon. but i wanna finish the last can of beer left at home. i shall drink it tmr, b4 my dad does. hardly there's beer at home. i guess i like the moment of highness when you drink it. cos its feels really good. very comforting indeed.

im getting very sick of my blog template.

planetshakers is boring me alittle now. their worhip songs are very meditative but praise is better. FAST AND FURIOUS. sounds like sex. but no, it isnt. and the vocalist has got a whiny voice.

a Jamie rag doll.

don't know what you don't.
know what you shouldn't.
which is worse?


is it scary to know too much of what you shouldn't?

yet others do not know how much you know.

they say its a gift.

i guess, its tough playing God. cos you see through their thoughts.

but God's a loving man, and we're not.


nothings ever fool-proof.

fake plastic submarine

quick blog, and then off to loads of hmwk.

im still very amused by what i did during history.

first things first, i didn't know why my phone was off. i think i offed it when i was in the lift, after i called cindy. and then it started ringing during history, and everyone heard it ring except me. maybe cos i was busy talking to bloody teriyaki.

everyone started looking our direction.

joyce: shei de handphone zai ring?
audrey: who's handphone ringing arh?
everyone looks around, trying to find out who's phone it was ringing
sihong: hey bella. sounds like your ringtone leh!!!
bella ignores and then tried straining her ears to spot that mousy ring tone.
grabs her skirt, and brought her pocket to her ear.
me: OH SHIT! ITS MINE!

and its a no number call.

but i was really lucky. cos mr. ramesh wasn't in school, and mr wong (the relief teacher) took over. and it happened just a few minutes earlier before ms lim scolded welson at the back of our class.

guess its God's blessing after all.

thank you, God.

ADDICTIVE PRON
casual; promiscuos

today's sermon was awesome, cos it was about sex. not exactly though, just sex within God's plan for us.

here's what really made sense to me.

why not surf pornography? why not masturabate? why not enagage in petting with your sexual partners? all the above does not involve any sexual intercourse do they?

well, walking on thin ice do get you in trouble too.

so i suppose if you do fall into that freezing pit, you suffer from hyperthermial, and soon die?

and why does God not want us to enagage in casual sex just around with everyone and anyone?

cos he does not want us to live in pain and guilt.

such profound questions, yet simple truths.

---------

and sihong thinks that im the sort who'd engage myself in lots of casual and promiscuos sex when im older. well, not that i don't see myself with any sexual partner with multiple positions, i guess im just IMAGINATIVE. and i don't fantasize that much about such 'adventurous' stuff alright!

God must have created me with much more sexuality and sensuality not to be a prostitute, but to be solely his child.

the OUTSIDE, INSIDE

SR 71
Right Now

she clings to me like cellophane
fake plastic submarine
slowly driving me insane
but now that's over

so what if the sex was great
just a temporary escape
another thing i grew to hate
but now that's over

why, why you always kick me when i'm high
knock me down til we see eye to eye
figured her out
i know she may not be miss right
she'll do right now
she'll do right now

i used to hang on every word
each lie was more absurd
kept me so insecure
but now that's over

she taught me how to trust
and to believe in us
and then she taught me how to cuss
that bitch it's over

you know i used to be
such a nice boy...

why, why you always kick me when i'm high
knock me down til we see eye to eye
figured her out
i know she may not be miss right
she'll do right now
she'll do right now

she clings to me like cellophane
fake plastic submarine
she's driving me insane
but now that's over

THE BOY stole from lunchboxes.
THE MOTHER treats her unfairly.

first of all,

THANK YOU SO MUCH JIAYI, FOR ALL THE RECORDINGS AND SOUND CHECKS!

we worked on green days's wmuwse again. better recording this time. much clearer, better timing, better sound and voice quality (cos i wasn't singing, and i can't sing) and better co-ordination.

and we should be working on another song soon. or perhaps originals. maybe we should, or should we expose ourselves to all other genres and styles?

how can this ever be true? im a girl who dresses very sloppily and guy-ishly. BUT STILL IM A GIRL WITH BOOBS, and not just a bare chest.

this small girl said in chinese, "mommy, na ge kor kor na de shi she me?" when we were in the lift. and there was no other guy in the lift other than her father. but im a girl. and i think its rather obvious that i have stuff hanging/popping out from my chest? is it an identity crisis im facing here. perhaps i was born a guy trapped in a female body. and i do menstruate too?

this is really amusing. when we were in the toilet in forum...
sihong: terkey, what are you doing? why aren't you going in?
terkey: no. its the hole in the ground.
and then we were all discussing about how we hate squat cubicles cos its so china.
sihong: i hate squats, cos i pee all over my legs.
everyone laughs madly.
terkey: and no way am i going to pee on this. (points to her dunks)
everyone laughs madly.
sihong: yah! and there was once when i did it, and i had to wash my leg cos i had pee on it.
me: its grosse to squat, cos you feel like you are smelling everything. and you watch everything go by.
amanda: yah, but shit's solid so it just falls.

why do girls hate squats?
1. they pee all over their legs?
2. they are lousy shooters?
3. you feel as if your pee is gonna splash on your face?
4. i feel like my legs will give way and i'll fall into the toilet bowl with a whole ass of shit and pee.

does this give you guys a good explanation? just make sure you don't fantasize about any of this. and don't entertain such thoughts too.

and then i read a book in mph j8 while waiting for what seemed an eternity for my parents. first i hunted for r.d but they're weren't on the shelves. and then i picked up this book about paris hilton. figured out that it was dumb and embarassing. went on to other books, until i found this really cool one. its called A Child Called It. if im not wrong. and its mainly about abuse and stuff like that. but the style was rather boring and lifeless. the book gave me a feeling the writer was lazy with the details and precision. but i read on still. the story's good.

perhaps i'd end up mental and psychotic, cos i love such books. and i love k.o.t.c but hardly anyone agrees to that. k.o.t.c is traumatic and vindictive. the book i read earlier on was much more of a physical thing, and k.o.t.c makes A Child Called It seem trivial. i wanna get those books. and i wanna write a song about it. anyone with the book to lend me? or should i borrow it from the school library? i'd rather own it.

he was made to become nothing
stole from lunchboxes
the hurts he withstood it all
still, he loved her

a secret within a secret.

the whole lit thing has gotten so into me, and its affecting me so much now. im not crazy, but just sympathetic. im feeling grateful to ms tan for today's "dramatic episode' of k.o.t.c and it was really too good to be true. and if we're going to have another kind of exchange lit programma with st.nicks again, ms tan just has to present that little episode and i bet all those girls are going to be fighting to keep their tears back.

every detail just keeps playing itself over and over again in my mind, each time with a different image and sound. and the music, don't you think it prepares you for a spirit of grief and mourning towards that character. well, forgive me. but today's lit was just perfect.

so k.o.t.c has ended, and i don't wish to start on 12th night at all. i don't enjoy 12th night as much as i do with k.o.t.c, cos k.o.t.c is so much easier to identify and comprehend. basically, feeling for that very dysfunctional 'family' was much easier than the 'royals'.

i guess the next time we study for out txt, all we have to do is play Songs from a Secret Garden and we'd be able to feel more for the character. and yes, they do evoke such provocative emotions.

well, maybe.

how much do we trust?
or was it already broken?

nonsensical; psychology

photo journalism. that's exactly what we're going to be doing tomorrow. ms chionh is a cool english teacher, cos its quite like mass communication in a way. and i really like it. just like lit. almost everybody thinks its boring (other than sihong and i), we both think lit is fun. and it really is, cos you get to be that character for a moment in your essays.

sometimes i think i've got a split personality, or maybe even mulitple personalities. cos when you do your lit, you discover something more about the character each time you read deeper in it and study it, and it shows you some part of the character that lives within you too. well, maybe that's what i think. lit is interactive.

its only january and im already fretting about the paths that i would go after o's. its not that far away from now. i wanna take mass communications cos its fun and its a language thing. sound engineering would be cool too, cos its music. well maybe to a certain extent. sound engineering a relative new course and not every poly offers such courses or perhaps even a diploma in it. mass communication is demanding. and im scoring like a 38 points here?

a puff of cocaine, and a gulp of booze.