tight-lipped eyes
a burden unto our souls

tell me my roots, where i came from
see those wings of mine that so yearn to fly
but the chains have held my soul captive
to where i don't belong

an agression, and the other meek
lines of parallel that never met
prove your worth
im slowly slipping

would you STILL know my name
if i went back to heaven?

eric clapton
tears in heaven

would you know my name if i saw you in heaven?
would it be the same if i saw you in heaven?
i must be strong and carry on
cos i know i don't belong here in heaven

would you hold my hand if i saw you in heaven?
would you help me stand if i saw you in heaven?
i'll find my way through night and day
i just can't stay here in heaven

time can bring you down
time can bend you knees
time can break your heart
have you begging please
begging please...

beyong the door there's peace for sure
and i know
there'll be no more tears in heaven

would you know my name if i saw you in heaven?
would it be the same if i saw you in heaven?
i must be strong and carry on
cos i know i don't belong here in heaven

i love that song. amanda we should play that song on your sis's wedding, though its a WEDDING. but i think the lyrics really express what love is.

okay i won't be able to sleep tonight, cos i've managed to play that song already! hooray to me! and i've been playing that song on repeat for 3 whole days already. i think its one of my favourite songs. i hardly have any favourites anyway. its a tough fight between tears in heaven and broken wings. but broken wings would be have to be best song #2. the whole world's gonna like broken wings or have they already liked it?

to mark tremonti: YOUR GUITAR SCREAMS WITH ORGASM! and i wish you had that with me.

a reply to tears in heaven
with broken wings and skinned knees

music and movement called, finally. our auditions on next tuesday, 5pm at the sph auditorium.

jammed today, to polish up on what we're going to be playing for the audition. haven't heard the recordings yet. but i think it should be more paced this time. not like we're chasing after a bullet or something. so hopefully everything's fine and it'll just work out well on that day.

wed's going to be our last jamming session i think before the competition. maybe if everyone's free, then we'll try to squeeze in a session on monday. im going to kuantan on thursday, and i shall be cheap. going to get my alter bridge cd in malaysia if its cheaper and maybe creed's greatest hits as well. they're great cd's, and i just love how intense their music just sound like. though creed is already like dead and gone. maybe not really. but well, they're really nice stuff. at least its something i like.

im starting to think im a little too hardcore for a girl. cos everyone likes simple plan, good charlotte, and er what's next? oh breaking ben's very nice as well. but well, if you like it, you like it. if you don't, that's just too bad. im feeling so cheapskate, cos i don't dwnld (ok not exactly) and i don't really save. so here i am resting my ass on the blue swivel chair with alter bridge's broken wings on repeat frm their official web which is just a mere 2 minutes. but it gets through enough. that song is that nice. especially during the chorus when its on some really crazy distortion.

and now im thinking, if i were a guy and my band is capable of such high entreme songs, i'll play tears in heaven and broken wings for the audition. according to jiayi, its called a medly. or something like that i think. boy, its EUPHORIA to the ears. get what i mean. okay, after i've managed and mastered tears in heaven, i'll learn broken wings. a pity school's starting just next week. that means less time on the guitar.

remembering my name in heaven while
fighting the fight alone.

an insecure identity

before anything else...

where's jamie had an interview and a photoshoot with the strait's times "in"

---------------------

we had our photo shoot and interview at the sph office today. the photoshoot was very fun. extremely fun, cos i was upside down. sihong's idea. our first idea was the handstand thing. im not that strong and i've never done a hand-stand before. so yea, sihong and sherilyn helped me the hand-stand by pushing my legs up, while amanda held onto them. it looked me this...

amanda

sihong me upside down sherilyn

amanda's head was in between my legs. the photographer snapped alot of shots. i think it'll look very natural cos we were having fun with that. okay maybe me only. but it was that fun. the stairs were upside down, but i looked into the lens of the camera still. hopefully that gets published, cos its such a FUN AND WILD shot. really shows what FUN is. the others are mild, and it made us looked so GIRL BAND like just a girl band that sings.

the interview felt so redundant. like the questions are all so general and we have to answer that in the most creative way ever. almost everyone anwers the same thing. but still, THANK YOU SPH. the sph office seemed really cool, and with very tight security as well. you need a pass everywhere even the toilet. troublesome like hell. but its a rather scary place to be in or work in, cos you're responsible for what pple read. its cool in a way like, even before the world reads its, you've got it.

the corporate world is scary. i really wonder why. the world says that you have to first be on the top, so the people under you could serve you. but jesus showed how you gotta first serve before reaching the top. i like what jesus did, and it comforts me at least. and the church has taught lots of stuff that actually helped me during the interview. i remembered pastor jeff once saying, "you're a christian that so happened to be a a student. and not a student who so happened to be a christian."

kelvin (the sph reporter) asked: so lets say if you guys win the competition and you have the recording deal. so how does your studies step in?
me: then i think we're all musicians who so happen to be students than students who so happen to be musicians.
but seriously, if God actually blessed us with that, definitely he trusts us to excel in both way right. like its a BLESSING?

im excited about camp tmr. there's going to be JUMP! in the evening, coolest thing on earth. and maybe i'll go to the reuben morgan thing on thurs evening in amanda's church.

oh yes, im really excited about collaborating with reiner, jonathon, yongjie's band. its Barely Justified if im not wrong. think its going to be fun and also to learn new stuff and to discover THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD PLAY. most of all, im going to salivate at those les pauls. i really felt all those saliva collecting like a pool in my mouth when he mentioned, "les paul". those 2 magical words.

lesbian paul.

keep it highly confidential

i've been getting weird weird dreams. the other day i dreamt i picked up smoking cos someone offered me a stick, and i lit it up. and i smoked 5 sticks continuously. but til now, as much as i hate how that smell, still im as curious about it. maybe i'll try one someday, just out of curiousity. and like i've said its all out of curiosity. and the funny thing was, in that dream, i smoked like i've smoked before. i didn't even choke on my first puff and i just smoke. maybe i'll just try a puff on my 18th birthday, since its legal anyway.

just yesterday, i dreamt that my neighbour's dog died. and it died in a gruesome manner, with lots of blood everywhere.

let's talk about today...

we went over to my grandma's place for dinner, and my grandma's cooking is rather horrible. okay, im a ungrateful ingrate. is that what you call it? or am i just inventing new words again. yes dinner, it was horrible. but i still finished it all up, cos my grandma cooked it. my aunt kept asking me which course of education i would choose after my o's. seriously, im not considering anything yet. my father and i think alike. we both think that i should just study, like really just study and to put in whatever you know first, and then when the results are out, i'll choose where i want to go. or i'll just follow that dimly litted path, paved right out for me.

then we headed off for compass point, cos my mom wanted to get her charles and keith there. and i bought a pair of charles and keith JESUS SANDALS. i like them. while we were in the shop, this chou po niang was being so cheapo and she was targetting pple to buy her shoe together with so she would get a 15% discount off her shoe instead of just 10%. and she actually pays lesser, cos the person who pays it with her, actually has to pay for her g.s.t as well. and she tried talking to me, into paying up with her. im always such targets to such chou po niangs, and uncles who cut my queue in cold storage. my mom told her, "NO." and she targetted this other dumb lady who obviously knew nothing about profits and loses. according to terkey, she would be called a dumbfk.

and then off to U2 with my mom. and she bought this denim three-quarters for me (and for her as well cos we share). okay its nice, and i look like a girl. not a guy. makes my legs look thinner and longer as well. so yea, pple with short legs look weird with long stuff. my mom looks horrible with jeans, cos she has short legs. and i can't stand jeans and pants as well, cos its warm and i look very short in it. but anyway, my mom will be wearing those three quarts more often than i do, cos i will not wear them to church. they're uncomfortable to jump in.

alright camp's on tuesday til thurs. totally excited and in anticipation for JUMP! hear me do a screamo JUMP.

JUMP. JUMP. J---U---M---P---!!!!

all the world is waiting for the sun

im bored again. but nvm, will be posting our new song lyrics up here again. its becoming like a ritual. for the sake of whoever who needs it/wants it/hates it/loves it/adores it/infatuated with it... here goes:

Where's Jamie - For You

Dear God, I wanna write you this song
its the best i can do for You
I wanna sing you this song
its the best I can bring to You

I prayed that night You would mend your heart
I prayed that night You would be alright
I've hurt you so so much, too much
I heard you cry when you watched me fall
I never knew You felt that way
I didn't know You were my friend
For You are God.

if you wanna know how it sounds like, ask me for it. but its the brief thing, with my voice and a overly distorted guitar. we'll try to do the next recording soon, and it'll be an accoustic one with amanda's voice of course. in the meantime, i'll work on the back-ups. it'll be cool if we had like that bongo thing and eggs(they're actually shakers). if sherilyn knows the bongos, cool. it'll be totally awesome.

my why am i updating this here? shouldn't it on on our freewebs site. but im rather proud of this song, more than the first one, cos its my very very first heart-felt christian song i wrote. i guess i'll write more when the inspiration comes, or when im tormented by this specific area in my life that should be changed for God. i don't wanna write crap loads songs, so when you see another song up here, you'll know when i've been insipiration-ised.

fucking firefly have you lost your light?

my im bored, and i've completed only 2 amaths exercises today. i gotta be more hardworking than this, but school isn't helping at all cos lessons are like in the first 2 weeks.

okay, in confused about school of rock. maybe its unnesecary( i think its a wrong spelling) but well it bothers me still. i really wonder what happened? maybe i should ask. maybe jiayi's right, that it takes love and co-ordination. maybe i'm just selfish. yes im just selfish. but where have all that maturity gone to?

i think amanda tee really kick ass, cos she plays her accoustic really well *mind you accoustic is difficult to play really really well* and she sings well too. and SHE''S a SHE. and she's so independant like she does her own recording, promotes herself herself, and she's just a really cool musician. you guys can check her at on purevolume. just type in AMANDA TEE and you have her songs there.

listening to: firefly
feeling: better after listening to (look above)

what the world will never take

pour unto our souls a revival of DRUMS AND STRINGS?!

there was this freaking crazy ass guy who stepped on my slipper (actually my dad's cos i was wearing his) and he FLUNG ME OUT OF THE TRAIN. he deserves my middle finger for that heroic chilvalrous act. and guess what i said to him, "WHAT THE -UCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" *if your above 18, hey ho the word is FUCK. but if you aren't, boo hoo its DUCK* those are the exact words i said to him. and guess what next? HE CONFRONTED ME AND THREATENED TO BASH MY BALLS UP. ouch. what a man. i wish i could pull his pants and undies off and slap those suspending balls.

me: what the fuck is wrong with you?!
HERO: SHE ME FUCK? NE GANG CAI JIANG SHE ME?!
me: wo jiang ne wei she me tui wo.
HERO: WAH, LAI WO QU WEN WO DE REN SHI BU SHI WO TUI NE DE. SHI HOU MIAN DE REN TUI HOR!
(HERO held tightly onto my guitar and dragged me to the door of the train and he shouted into the train...)
HERO: NE MEN YOU MEI YOU KAN DAO WO TUI TA?
(he was the only one behind me and obviously SOME FORCES pushed him.)
HERO: NE JIANG SHE ME FUCK? SHE ME FUCK? HUH NE YAO FUCK WO DE!
me: -stares at guy, thinks: why would i wanna fuck an old asshole-
HERO: -GRABBED MY GUITAR VERY TIGHTLY AND SWUNG IT WITH ALOT OF FORCE-
me: -raised middle finger back at him-

what a loser. and seriously, if he didn't push, HE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW I WAS SAYING "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" TO HIM AT ALL. well, he's a fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck shitty assed OLD AH-BENG. dumbo, she me ren? ne jiao ren, wo jiao MAH TA ah. then i was telling terkey, how i wished he would punch me cos he would be in dip dip shit, cos HE WILL BE SUED OFF HIS SHITTY ASSED PANTS. and if he punched me, i would call the cops and hold onto him tightly and let him drag me along so the cops would detain him THERE AND THEN.

and this bloody old guy, cut my queue when i was in cold storage getting my drink of the day. like fuck your grandmother! he was like so guilty cos he kept looking back, and i stared at him and tap my feet and kept tossing my coins in my hands. and he paid for 6 pacs of freaking hell MEATBALLS. asshole. GREEN TEA outwins MEATBALL. i pray that that poor poor fellow and his family would choke on those cute lovely grey meatballs. god blast your ass and you meatballs...

so here you have, a really fucked up day of bella koh's fucked up day.

smile always,
YOUR FRIEND WHO DOESN'T CURSE.