are you from china?
china bells

i didn't go to school today again, and yay! i've missed school for 2 days in a row already! love it. its so much better than wasting your time in school not knowing what to do, feeling lethargic all the time. its so much more productive to stay at home, and to just REVISE. we need a whole week off break before the mid-years so that we can do some really INTENSIVE REVISION/ STUDY CAMP all by ourselves at home. better than sitting our asses off on hard contorted plastic chairs, leaning our bodies over dumb plastic tables with the retards frm CDAC who always leave their food behind, like some really early greeting snack. and recess is suppose to be everyone's favorite subject, but it isn't when you're in a school with very horrible canteen food.

let' see...
stall 1 (fried bee hoon stall): small servings that cost more than it should actually cost. DIRTY LIKE HELL. dumb aunty likes to give you your change back by dumping those coins on their very oily counter, WHEN YOUR HAND IS RAISED RIGHT INFRONT OF HER. their toast is not too bad, but i think it sucks big time still. THE FOOD'S OILY LIKE SHIT. observe how the older aunty (lao ah so) cooks. YUCKS! and the lao uncle suffers frm dementia i think. cos he is just blur like _____.

stall 2 (yu yuan mian stall): its okay.

stall 3 (yong tau foo stall): houseflies land on their dishes and people eat them. dirty man, dirty food, dirty utensils, dirty counters. EVERYTHING IS DIRTY. and their chilli stinks like God Damn Hell. but its always the shortest queue.

stall 4 (western food stall): very clean. but ex like cheap. have you ever eaten something that costs like $3 on a plate in a HIGH SCHOOL CANTEEN?

stall 5 (mixed rice/ cai fan): uncle gives alot BUT TOO MUCH. and the food looks like PIG FOOD. so sorry. but its like a heap and 'NOT MEANT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION' looking. the rice tastes like pandan leaves. the dishes taste like pandan as well. and there's ALOT OF MSG ADDED IN THEIR FOOD.

stall 6 (chicken rice): clean, fast and good. but i don't like chicken rice.

stall 7 (malay stall): UNCOOKED RICE. hard like rocks, and they come in BIG LUMPS. the chicken drumstick looks horrible, cos it looks like a log. wonder how many chickens they sacrifice just for their legs. audrey found a worm in her plate ages ago. but they have nice spinach.

stall 8 (drinks stall): drink all you want lah.


and i started my chemistry tuition yesterday in mavis tutorial centre. and the tutor is funny in a very KAO PEH way. she was telling this guy, "why are you staring at the board. you better not be copying the answers of i'll dig your eyeballs." and she asked me if i was frm china. cos when she spoke to me, i spoke in a weird manner. cos i was trying to clear my throat, and she speaks really quickly with a heavy indian accent.

AND IM NOT FRM CHINA!

on broken wings im falling
on skinned knees im bleeding

argh. can my mom come home quick. she's gone to the dentist and im suppose to wait for her to come back so that i can bathe. cos she's giving me some lame flowers to bathe in. some flowers my grandma got from the temple. some HOLY-FLOWERS i guess. but the holiest thing she can do now is to let me bathe! im feeling hot (yes HOT. HOT! real HOT.) and sticky and uncomfortable cos im still in my lame school uniform.

i wanna pon school tmr but im not sure if its gonna work out. cos i wanna stay at home and do some serious revision to prepare myself for tuition after that, and for the mid years as well. school is shit tmr. just maths (which is just revision) and english (which is sit and talk) and chinese (revision) and hist and ss (which can be done sitting your ass at home, moving your eyes frm the left to the right infront of your book). but then i've got to sit for the make-up english test that i missed ages ago cos i was insomniac. yeah, insomniac's the word. well if it makes sense.

but anway here's a song i wrote rather long ago. after Sunken Ground (this is our song) of course. but i think its rather recently as well. so here goes... oh yea, DO NOT FUCKING STEAL THIS ALRIGHT. COS ITS NOT YOURS, YA?

Withering Rose

which way to go, i don't know
i wanna stop running, but to nowhere
can't the world just stop revolving?
will my heart stop beating?
keep my mind sane, im falling slowly

i need to know where the end is
but its just too far away
why can't i see it like everyone does
am i out of my mind?
have i gone insane?
perhaps you'll tell me what went wrong
or have i got only myself blame
deep in my, is my refuge
a hiding place to my soul.

decision's a curse, a plague onto myself
a moment of folly to a generation of wrath
have sin gotten too much to us
what do we seek through what we go through
just like not knowing why i hate
but you're just a letdown
your behavoir is despicable
your mind the root of your craftiness
perhaps a perfector of all lies
magician of truths

give it up, when will everyone find themselves
its such a struggle
we've lost ourselves since we were young
always wanting to be somebody else
but where have my soul gone to
to the hearts of 'myself'

i'll break down before you
with tears on my cheeks
like a withering rose
looking its best at its worst.

Alter Bridge  
Broken Wings

Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
in our souls
Leave the peace alone
Now we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold are always first to go
And who's to say we won't end up alone

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
in the same place with all I love
Mend the broken homes
Care for them
they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give will always carry you
And who's to say we won't survive it too

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

Set a free all
Relying on their will
to make me all that I am
and all that I'll be
Set a free all
Will fall between the cracks
with memories of all that I am
and all that I'll be

On broken wings I'm falling
and it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
by the fires of the sun
On skinned knees I'm bleeding
and it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
and I'll search for so long

wonder what's up lately. there's so much stuff i wanna run away frm. just run away. and not have anything to do with anymore. i wanna run away from school. i wanna run away from exams. i wanna run away from chemisty. i wanna run away from failing results. i wanna run away from having to face with my parents after those. i wanna run away from feeling that i'll never do well. i wanna run away from knowing that i'm behind time of everyone. i wanna run away from ______. i wanna run away from it because it piles up to what i wanna get away from.

yah. call me an escapist or whatever. haven't been doing my revisions. and hmwk's all done rather slip-shotly. mid-year's in a week time. and im not at all prepared.

was very eager to rush home after service today. did scale-ing today. and its addictive. thank you weijun for that tabbed out scales you sent me! great stuff. for all you know if i were to be known one day, it'd be all thanks to your scales you sent me.

im not sick. but i like that ache from doing the 4-3-2-1- scale. its a nice ache that develops in your pinky. but it was hell tough when i first tried it yesterday. and now at least its functional. and i'll probably wanna rush home everyday to practise for an hour or so. and then off to crazy hours of revision.

well, God bless me.

i'll show you mine
and you'll do too

well you do this when you're bored...

Your dating personality profile: Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile: Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living. Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Liberal 2. Religious 3. Practical 4. Funny 5. Adventurous 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Big-Hearted 8. Traditional 9. Intellectual 10. Shy

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Practical 2. Conservative 3. Shy 4. Funny 5. Adventurous 6. Traditional 7. Religious 8. Big-Hearted 9. Sensual 10. Intellectual

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

torn inside out
rip me open to watch my scars bleed

this is just so fucked up. yes its the word fuck. and its very very fucked up right now. why do things always have to crop up at the last minute. just when its about to be resolved, something smacks right into your face again. just tell me what i really should do. does music have to be this way, when everyone gets so competitive about it. does it have to be just that you have to be good enough to start a stir-up. but what the fuck. cocky bands, rude bloody mother fuckers who sit there watching their ass off, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IT AT ALL.

and next its in a pub. yea, a P-U-B. not C-L-U-B. and then there are cops cos we're underage. and then you don't even know what's up next cos you just bloody shit fuck don't know. i didn't know it'd get this stressful.

and there's the mother fucking up in a week's time. like a week and a half. oh great, the school should just fuck and off. mrs leaw shouldn't just fuck off. but fuck off and die. i guess i won't even be doing well at all, so stop bothering me like a hound. stop threatening me with the O's. just learn to fuck your own ass, and keepy our hairy white ass to yourself. that will do just fine.

yea its my fault for playing too much in sec.3 but sometimes can't you see how hard we're trying to catch up, not to our own expectations but to yours and the school. sometimes you just don't see. has your fair complexion brought upon cataract in your eye. yea whatever. just screw us up and thank you for fucking me in the ass.

you just don't know me
i don't give a damn abt anything
ABOUT YOU.

this is so fun. feeling really tired, but fulfilled and satisfied. WHERE'S JAMIE jammed today. and we've found a good place to jam at already. its none other than... RHYTHM MASALA. well, somewhere down in MASALA there's a place we used to go to kick some ass. we all gotta make big discisions. whether or not to take part in the gig that's coming on the 23rd this month which is only next saturday. i guess we all got rather discouraged while jamming today, cos we had only 1 song that's done, which is our song. its improved now with back-up vocals and a bridge.

im happy with our new and improved sunken ground/this is our song. but there's still alot of mistakes. i guess we'll just take a step of faith and go for the gig first. though everyone is so so much better than us, like with a label attached, still i guess we'll just go for the experience and fun.

but i'll pray real hard.

the all-american virgin
dropped it like its hot

im supposed to be in school today, but im not. its not a case of monday blues or anything, just that i couldn't fall asleep the night before, and since i won't be even be concentrating in school i might as well stay at home. trust me its a mental torture when your mental mind just refuse to rest even when you feel so drop dead tired, physically, already. its just crazy. everytime when i try to sleep, all those lit questions just keep floating back to my mind.

not just lit like kotc, but twelfth night. all those names (orsino, feste, olivia) they keep banging themselves into your head and you just can't help but feel frustrated. and i've slept only 3 short hours and im very very tired now but i just can't get to sleep.

when i couldn't sleep yesterday night, i woke up at 1.30am and did this:
1. felt arnd for my specs on my very messy table.
2. went to the living room
3. watched antm
4. watched just for laughs gags
5. watched some lame chinese action drama
then it was about 3 already, and i decided i should go back to my room to catch some sleep so that i won't feel so tired in school. tried to sleep, but I REALLY CAN'T.
so i did this:
1. brought my huge pillow out to the living room
2. watched tv
3. boring... no shows. only golf masters final
4. swtched to cna, no programmes. only that dumb news updates.
5. watched golf. tiger was leading. he's a lousy sportsman, cos he vents his anger on the pitch. his oppenent, chris something, almost took off with a club/wood that had a loose head. some guy in those green jackets went to him, and took the club away. he puts weirdly.
6. switched to channel 8. dumb taiwan 'soap opera'. switched back to channel 5 with golf.
7. when they were playing til the 11th hole, my dad woke up and he saw me awake. (its about 5.45 now)
8. watched golf with him. asked him whether i can stay at home and not go school.
9. he allowed. went back to bed and tried to sleep. prayed to God to give me enough sleep.
10. heard him waking my bro up. felt my bro tugging on my quilt. ignored both.

conclusion:
i think i couldn't get to sleep cos i was feeling stressed. tried to sleep, but lots of scary lit stuff keeps popping into my head. maybe cos earlier on i was chionging all the lit stuff that had to be done. and im starting to hate lit a little. feeling afraid of it, cos there's lots of quotes to remember by heart. shakespeare is scary, and im dumb founded.

now im feeling sleepy.

bye.