you know she's your mom when...1. she makes you run errands for her (and it means going to inconvenient far away places)
2. she makes you clear a mysterious pile of poop some loose assed animal left at your doorstep (its true)
3. she calls the house phone and then your mobile (continuosly) when you're sleeping
on #2, i was made to clear some poop today. bloody animal. if it was a dog its so going to be a bitch, or a shitty assed bastard.
that dignified animal, left ITS modest throne of poop at my door step. literally. for those who live in a cosy little home called the HDB, you know there's usually this small little flight of step, before you officially REACH the door. right, that animal pooped its dinner/supper/whole day's meal on the little area before those little 2 steps to the official HOME area.
and my mom's greeting over the phone was, "could you clear the pile of shit outside our house for me please? it must be some cat's shit. not from our neighbour's dog."
it could have been, "there's some excrement piled neatly at our doorstep. before you run the errand for me, you might like to clear the solid matter first? well i hope you hadn't breakfast."
the smell was so bad, the moment i opened the door, it smacks you in the face. no not kidding, and its not exaggerated. its THAT bad.
while i stared at that pile of poop, i was thinking of the different ways i could clear it without having to touch it (with gloves on even). so YAY, i discovered a new sport called "FLICK THAT POOP".
for the sport you need:
1. ONE large enough plastic bag to contain the poop when you flick them into
2. ONE pair of plastic gloves to protect your flicking hand
3. ONE large roll of newspapers/magazines to flick
4. YOUR OTHER HAND to block your nostrils
most importantly, stay at least one arm's length away from the target. you don't want to fall face flat on it.
instructions:
1. flick the poop accurately in the bag
2. continue flicking til its all gone
3. don't forget to block your nostrils
4. when you're done, dump the whole bag of poop down your flat.
5. you can try killer litter and hope it lands right on the same animal's face.
it was so grosse.
i emptied 1/4 of multi-purpose dettol on the cement slab, and made sure it disinfected the entire area, so its smells of only dettol. all this while i went to the national skin centre to get some pills my mom needed.
after that i left aroma therapy outside my house - right at the doorstep. mmm, smells great now.
